Na ah! (Not yet!)

Once, i've ever written this kind of topic 'Baru nyadar kalau nyasar' which means 'i just realized that i'm lost'

   "Then, how now? 
    Have i found 'my way'?"

The answer is 'not exactly yet'. Hhhahaha...
Sounds complicated, huh?

I've got a job now, since about 4 months ago.
And, this 4 months ain't easy.
My mind always keep telling me that i'm in the wrong track, even till now.
This is really stressfull!
Was that all?

Na ah!
The worst part is i still don't know what i want in my life.
This is freaking insane!

The mood swings all over the place.
Sometimes, i just couldn't hold it, and i fell apart.
I often feel blank, sad and confuse at the same time.
It ruins me.


Lately, i called my brother, then shared everything.
I mean 'everything'!
I was really in the place where i hit the lowest level in my life.
That was one of the longest and intense conversation we've ever had.

And the sharing session works!

I don't say that it deprives all of the burdens.
But it helps!



   "So, i've found my way, have i?"

Na ah!
I can smell it.
I just can't grab it, yet.

I know, it's close. I just need a little bravery to seize it.
I know, it's there. I just need to decide.


'The whole deciding part' isn't really my thing.
Till now on, i never decide anything huge in my life.
Everything is just really flowing, if i might say. Even the place i took college and the place i work now.

I have this urge to decide something really important in my life.
Then, i know how chasing dreams feels like.
Then, i learn how being responsible for what decision i've made.
Then, i won't say anything stupid like 'i don't wanna do this for the rest of my life'.



I know, it's somewhere near, really close.
I just need to see everything in detail.

But now....

        Have i found 'my way'?"


Na ah!

May God bless my way.... my life.....